


Falling Into the Sky Sounds Nice to Me

by ArtimasThyme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Rating May Change, Self Confidence Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching Points of View
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-07 18:01:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17370761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtimasThyme/pseuds/ArtimasThyme
Summary: Sakura has spent the last few years falling into a deep depression that has caused her to pull away from her friends, pushing herself into work. She ignored the signs and chalked it all up to being an overworked college student, but now that shes been graduated for over two years, whats her excuse? Her old love comes back into her life after leaving for the better part of two years. Can she handle seeing Shikamaru again?Can she find herself again after being numb all this time, can she remember how to love others?





	1. the Begining of the End is Always so Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear readers, this is the first fic I am ever posting. So please review if you give it a read! I wasn't planning on writing for Sakura/Shikamaru but when I sat down to write this happened.  
> Let me know if I have any huge mistakes, as I did not use a beta.  
> I hope this first chapter is decent, I don't know how many chapters it will be.  
> I do not own any characters in this fic or have any affiliation with Naruto.  
> I am a simple writer with to much love for these characters.  
> OH! I don't understand this formatting so if it posts as crap I am so sorry! And Yes I am one of those point of view switchers.

          This wasn't the first time that Sakura had looked out over the city, wanting nothing more then to fall into the lights shining below. Every so often she found herself here, at the top of her apartment building leaning into the open air. Cold air breezed past her, and the rushing chaos of the streets rang in her ears. It sounded so much nicer than anything else in her head. Her hands had long since become numb from the frigid air and grip they held on the railing. It felt so close this time, just a few more fingers and she would join those bright lights down below, the chaos would take her, until she was left with nothing. It sounded so nice to take that silence, to dive into the air and be free for the first real time in her life.

          A door clanked somewhere behind her, followed by crunching steps on the graveled rooftop, "You gonna stay out here all night?" Ino called out to her, "It's not going anywhere you know?"

          Sakura let her eyes fall away from the chaos below to find her friends blue pleading eyes, it was time to go in. The city would have to wait, she couldn’t join the silence tonight.

         Sakura couldn’t bring herself to smile as she said," Don’t be so dramatic, I only came out here around 11, besides it’s nice out."

         Ino snorted, "Yeah, you do know it’s 3 am and almost freezing out right now?"

         Sakura blanched almost forgetting she was leaning off of the building, she grabbed hold of the rail tighter, "It is not 3am Pig, there's no way."

         "Yeah like you would know, you never remember what time it is anymore,” Ino reached a hand out to her friend, a sad smile on her lips,”just come down with me. Everyone left, we can have ice cream, okay?"

         Sakura leaned back into the railing, then climbed back over it to join her friend on the graveled roof, "yeah okay, that sounds nice." She took Ino’s warm hand in hers, for a moment she felt herself return. Years of friendship, laughter, and smiles ran through her mind. For a moment it was okay again, then the door clinked shut behind them and it was gone. Once more it was emptiness that surrounded her heart and mind.

         Sakura still could not find the moment when it all started, when things stopped feeling as bright. People had been commenting on her moods for a year or so. After college  she went out less and less, until ladies night was no longer on her calendar. It didn’t feel like anything was wrong to Sakura, it just didn’t feel like anything anymore. She had chalked it up to being overworked from stressful days at the clinic and years of sleepless nights full of studying. It became more than that though, and even she couldn’t rationalize what was happening to her mind. It became a landscape she didn’t recognize, and honestly it was better than feeling everything all at once all the time. Having your heart on your sleeve left you writhing in pain sometimes. Feeling nothing was just… So simple, it was easy, and for once in her life Sakura wanted easy.

         Ino had made Sakura move in with her a few months earlier, after finding Sakura laying on the floor of her bathroom. A soft pink mess was under her, and she had been clutching the scissors for dear life as she shook from crying till there was nothing left. Sakura used her free hand to pull the hood of her sweatshirt down, still a bit shocked at not having to pull her hair from the hood. Her hair was so short now, the stylist had had to cut it into a pixie after what Sakura had done to it that night. Ino swore it was cute, but it left Sakura hollow, the soft long hair had been the only thing she still loved about herself, and she had cut it in  a fit of anxiety. Now it was just a constant reminder of her own failure. Even now it had barely grown long enough to do anything with.

        When they reached the apartment Ino set about dishing out bowls of ice cream. Sakura on the other hand found a seat on the couch, feeling horrible for causing her friend to worry. Even more than before Sakura found herself wishing that she had let go a few minutes earlier… Then she wouldn’t have to burden anyone any longer, they would all be free of the wretch she’d become.

         Ino made her way over cream in hand, "Come on forehead scoot over, I need some room too! and you're freezing, jeez!." No sooner had Ino sat down she left to go get a blanket for them. Ino returned with a fluffy quilt, "Wanna watch the old horror flick channel?"

        Her pink friend nodded, “Sounds good to me.” Then settled in to lean on Ino as she picked at the ice cream on her lap.

        the two girls spent the next few hours sitting together watching old black and white horror films, laughing at the bad props and themes. They fell asleep on the couch, and Sakura didn’t have nightmares for the first time in weeks.

o0o0o0o0o0o

        "Yo, Naruto have you heard from Sakura? I wanted to ask her what Ino expects us to bring over this weekend but she never responds to me," an annoyed looking Shikamaru grumbled to his blonde friend as he pulled a clean shirt over his mess of wet hair.

        "Nah, just ask Ino, you know Sakura, she is busy with work!" Naruto shook his head, grabing at a pair of briefs in his locker, “Besides why would you need to bring anything? It’s a party for _you._ ”

        "I'm not asking Ino anything, last time I asked about something like this I got sent a list of shit to do, and like it matters that it’s suppose to be because I am back home. We both know it’s just another excuse for her to get us all drunk. Just tell me Sakura's work schedule, I know she sends it to you doofus, " Shikamaru sighed taking off his towel to try and dry his hair before throwing it back in a ponytail.

        "Eh whatever, Sakura's gonna be just as angry if you show up during her shift at the clinic, besides she hasn’t been feeling great lately,” Naruto looked over at his dark haired friend hopefully, ”she works tonight until midnight, make her smile okay?"

        "Thanks, I’ll do my best." Shikamaru finished dressing, patted Naruto on the back then went on his way. He knew texting Sakura was going to get him nowhere, she ignored her phone, or atleast ignored him, but she couldn't ignore him if he was in front of her. He just wanted to see her once before the party, he needed to know it was okay. That maybe, there was still something left to save.

o0o0o0o0o0o

         Sakura was rushing from room to room tonight, two of her nurses had called in, and for a week day it was insanely busy. It felt like half the homeless were here tonight to find help from some ailment or another. She hadn’t been able to find time to take a break until 10:30 when the other Doctor on duty forced her to go eat something. Sakura loved her job though, it was only at work that she ever felt like herself anymore, fixing people was right, she was helping. Even if the same person came back again, Sakura knew she had helped them, they knew they could rely on her. As she made  her way down to the first floor, she grabbed a yogurt from a machine and headed to the back exit, she needed air. You could only take the smell up there for so long, she loved that she got to help those who couldn’t afford it, but she still wished that the showers would hurry up and get finished. Tsunade had the clinic built right after Sakura's graduation, and made her head Doctor as well as being in charge of the staffing and such there. It was almost a graduation gift, but really Tsunade and her had been working on creating the free clinic all through her college career, this place was just as much hers as it was her sensei’s. She opened the back door and was instantly relieved to feel the cold air. 

         "About damn time you took a break. I thought you were gonna go all night." Shikamaru stood in the poorly lit back of the clinic, smoke trailing from the cigarette in his mouth.

         Sakura couldn't help but stare at him, she hadn't seen him in almost two years. Now here he was, right in front of her looking like he never left. His hair looked longer, and  she couldn’t be sure but he looked like he had put on more muscle, it made her mouth dry. She had wanted to say so many things to him, thousands of rehearsed lectures, but now nothing came to mind. She felt a tear trail down her cheek. She was not ready for this, to see him, she thought it was going to be okay. Yet here, in the alley behind the building that held everything that was left of who she was, nothing was okay.


	2. Lets Fight Ourselves Before Eachother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when your heart is broken? Cry? Run? or maybe go destroy a punching bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie this took a little longer to figure out then I had planned. It is also not at all the chapter I had planned, but I like it.  
> As always I don't own Naruto or anything.  
> Forgiveme, it is 3 a.m. and I didn't beta this...

 

Chapter 2

          Sakura was stunned to say the least, she couldn’t seem to move, and her chest felt tight. Another tear fell down as she tried to think of something, anything to say to Shikamaru. It wasn’t fair that her mind decided to stop working, to finally be blank. The pit in her stomach ached, and a painful gasp escaped her lips. Sakura watched as  Shikamaru stomped out his cigarette then came to her. 

          He couldn’t help himself in that moment, seeing a tear fall down her perfect cheek was to much. Shikamaru had to go to her, in just a few steps he had his hand cupping her soft cheek. His thumb brushed the line her tear had left behind, and her eyes watered more. He couldn’t remember the last time his heart had ached so much, when the last time he had to fight so hard to not kiss someone. All he wanted to do in that moment was to pull her into him, and ask her to forgive him. It took every ounce of his will to stop himself.

          Instead he rested his forehead on hers, wrapping his free hand around her waist and whispered, “You know the short hair is kinda cute on you.”

          He felt her lean into his hold, she laughed shakily, “Really… that's what you have to say?”

          Shikamaru smiled at her cheek, he had missed his little spitfire, “Nah, but it seemed relevant. After all you haven't cut your hair since you were a kid, and it was not nearly this short then.” He moved his hand to card through the short hair at the base of her neck. It was as soft as he remembered, only now he couldn't knot his fist into it, to pull her to his lips. He ached as the memories of their past engulfed him. 

          Sakura reached her free hand to cradle  Shikamaru 's face, he sighed into it letting his lips brush a kiss onto her palm as he stared into the wilds of her eyes. Her breath caught, “I… wasn’t sure you were going to come back.” those deep forests teared up again, and he couldn’t look at it anymore. Shikamaru pulled her to his chest, while also tilting her head back so he could kiss her. Those chapped raw lips made him weak, he felt her hand grip into the hair near his scalp. Coaxing her lips to move in time with his own, he tilted to the side to take her bottom lip into his mouth and nip at it. She shivered at the action, prompting him to hold her tighter, and run his tongue against her lip before pushing into her mouth. Sakura brought her own to fight the kiss for dominance. 

           Then he was being pushed away roughly, Sakura  stood panting, a look of rage that could destroy cities painted on her face, “Fuck you, I can’t do this. You can't just show up here, you can't just think things are fine! You don't get to just come back and do this. I.. I can’t,” Sakura  backed away from him clutching her forgotten yogurt so tight it burst open ,”Fuck! I’m just… leave. Now!” her voice shook in anger, her fury dripping into the air around the two. She took a few steps back, her eyes not leaving his.

           “Blossom… You don’t mean-”

           “You do not get to call me that!” Sakura  cut him off, throwing her yogurt in front of him, “You have no right to anymore! I’m done here.” She grasped out for the door behind her, finding the handle she turned, and was gone with a heavy snap. 

          Shikamaru stood staring after her, mind trying to grasp the drastic change of pace that had just taken place. Slamming his hand into the wall near him, he let out a loud exasperated growl. He turned to leave the alley already pulling out a cigarette. Today was not going as he had planned. Nothing ever did with Sakura . He took a drag from his favourite habit. His motorcycle sat parked a few streets away in a parking garage, but right now he needed to breathe, and try to get the taste of her out of his mouth, and the bulge from his pants to go away. So he set off to find something, anything to distract him, he walked the opposite direction of his ride. There had to be a bar around here somewhere.

 

o0o0o0o0o0o

**_It wasn’t fair that he was back now, it wasn’t fair that he had shown up. Didn’t he ever think about how she felt? It wasn’t right!_ ** Sakura looked into the mirror next to her bed, unbelievably glad to have the day off after that. Her hair was sticking up into ratty spikes from raking her hands through it, and the mascara that hadn’t wiped off ran down her face. She looked as crazy as she felt in that moment. Her mind may have shut off when She had seen  Shikamaru earlier, but now it was on overdrive. Reminding her of everything she had ever done wrong, and everything she wished she could forget. It felt like Sasuke all over again, her highschool crush.  **_It’s like I haven’t learned anything… why did I think for even a moment he would have stayed… why was I so ready to let him back in after two years of silence… am I that worthless?_ **

          She pulled the covers over her head, holding onto her pillow for comfort. Trying to convince herself not to get into her box, or to go out to the roof. She didn’t need this, it felt like every step forward she made, her life pushed her ten back. Sure she knew these were all classic signs of depression and anxiety, that what she needed to do was listen to ino and go to a doctor about it….. She couldn't do it though, it would mean having to tell Tsunade she had failed, it meant having to admit that she wasn’t strong enough on her own… There was no way she could do that, she was going to beat this on her own, like she has with everything. It was going to be okay, because she had to be okay. She wasn't allowed to let herself go down this far again…. She couldn’t do that to Ino again…

          Sakura closed her eyes wishing for a moment of silence in the chaotic mess of her own mind. Wanting nothing more then to forget and to sleep. It was so much easier to sleep. So she laid there hiding from the early mornings light that peaked through her curtains. Waiting for dreams to take her away from the thoughts of her night shift,  Shikamaru , and herself…

o0o0o0o0o0o

          The constant pounding of his heart drowned out the sounds of the people around him. Playing his workout playlist on max wasn’t even enough to drive the thought of her pushing him away out of his mind. He had given up on it, instead focusing now on the beat of his heart, and the sound of his attacks. Still every punch that hit the bag in front of him left Shikamaru more frustrated, finding no relief in his one solace. Training had always been his place to organize his thoughts, to find peace in the valleys of chaos he found himself apart of. Three days, and he still could feel her lips on his, her hand in his hair. His dreams had been full of those lips these passed two years, and still he was not prepared to feel them. Worse though was the vision of her tears running down her pale face, her anger and sorrow burning into his perfect memory. He could not seem to go more then a few minutes before it surfaced to the shores from the tides in his mind. No amount of booze, or training could empty his mind. 

          Still he beat into the punching bag, grateful for the sore pain in his biceps. Ever aware of the growing fatigue in his muscles, but forcing himself on. If he could punch for long enough, he would be completely exhausted, his body would finally let him sleep. If he kept going he could forget about her. He could find that peace that had been alluding him for years. 

          Shikamaru swung around as a hand gripped his shoulder, his fist colliding hard against skin, “Ya’ know, when you come to an old training ground, it’s customary to at least say hello to your old Sensei,” Asuma grinned down at his once pupil, grasping  Shikamaru 's fist in his own, “Not attempt to punch their teeth in. But hey, maybe greetings are different where ever it is you’ve been hiding out.”

          A matching grin found its way to  Shikamaru 's face, undeniably glad to see his old teacher, “Yeah well, last I checked you don’t grab a fighter when he’s in the middle of a workout set.”

          Asuma raised an eyebrow, “Perhaps, but it  _ is _ a coaches job to tell their kids when they have had enough, and from the looks of you, it is time to pack it up.”

          “I haven’t been a kid in a long time,” Shikamaru chuckled reaching out for his water bottle, “Besides I know my own limit. You haven’t been around to see me train in some time old man.”

          “I am wounded, truly,” Asuma feigned chest pain, “I have know you since before you could tie shoes, and that's the respect I get? Now come on, let's take a seat, and you can tell me about these far lands that kept you from writing your beloved Sensi.”

          He found himself telling Asuma all about visiting monuments, tracking down cons, and the awesome food he gotta eat. Joining the governments covert ops had been his goal for as long as he could remember. He had only gone to college and gotten his degrees in politics and psychology to appease his family. Knowing fully well that he was more interested in going down the same path as his sensi, than joining into his family's politics. Asuma's accomplishments as an officer in covert, as well as his connections was a main reason  Shikamaru had latched onto the man as a kid. It was only a bonus that Asuma was one of the best people Shikamaru had ever had the pleasure to get to know. It was more often than not that Shikamaru would go to Asuma for advice before his own father as a teenager. To be fair Shikamaru’s father was usually away on business, being a diplomatic advisor sure was a drag. Still talking to Asuma now, telling him what he could about the missions he had been on, Shikamaru felt the icy ache in his chest start to loosen. 

           “Man, you sure have grown up huh, It feels like only yesterday I was finding my own way on the field. Now I am just an old man with a fitness center,” He laughed as he patted his old pupil on the back, “I am proud of the man you have grown into Shikamaru, though you are always going to be the same lazy brat to me. How many times did they make you run laps for not doing your assignments in bootcamp? Ten? Fifteen?”

          “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You know I only had to once right, before graduating,” Shikamaru jokes, “When they found out I had convinced everyone else to do all my chores for me the whole time.”

          “Your something else kid,” he grinned down, “So now that we have gotten the small talk out of the way, why don’t you tell me why you destroyed one of my new punching bags?”

          Shikamaru looked over at the station he had been at for the past four or five hours, the bag had split in a few spots, and there was padding bits scattered across the floor. “I can pay for that…,” looking back over to Asuma, “I might have gotten a bit carried away.”

           “Don’t worry about it, I got a dozen more in storage. Now tell me what's eating you. Was it a mission?” he tried to gauge the young man's reaction, “family trouble? Maybe a love affair? Ah, so that’s it!” Asuma looked truly pleased with himself.

           “Why do women have to be so damn confusing.”

          “A man can never really know what is going on in a woman's mind, but that's probably what gets us hooked in the first place. We all want to know the unknown.”

          “That doesn't really help all that much Asuma.”  Shikamaru shifted so his elbows were on his knees, “I think I really messed up. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now… Now I’m not sure. I thought it was going to be so easy to leave, to move on. It wasn’t though, instead it hurt. It hurt everyday that I was gone. It didn’t matter that I was doing exactly what I had been dreaming of. That I had finally gotten to the start of everything I had planned. I still felt a weight in my chest.”

          Asuma’s eyes softened as he looked at his favourite student, “I told you it wasn’t gonna be easy to live this kind of life  Shikamaru . Still I had hoped it would be for you. Leaving the people you love behind never gets easier, not a day is going to go by when you are on assignment, that you won’t wish to be back with the people you love. It’s the price we pay to protect them, to be able to keep their world safer. If they love you they will understand, you will be able to work it out as long as you are willing to keep at it.”

          “It’s not just that, I really messed up, I don’t think it will be as easy to fix as you make it sound. I didn’t just leave, I abandoned her… I thought it would be easier for us both if I cut contact. She didn’t need to worry about where I was, or if I was okay. She deserves someone better than a guy who's gone for months on end. Only it didn’t work, and now… I am not sure how to fix it.” he looked at his hands fisted tightly, as he felt his eyes start to sting.

          “Sounds like you should talk to her.”

          “I tried that!”

          “Are you sure? If you are hurting this much, I can only imagine how she feels right now. Sakura’s a strong girl Shikamaru, I don’t think you are giving her enough credit. You should try again, and this time try to listen to her.”

           He looked up to meet Asuma’s eyes, “How did you know..”

          “Listen kid I’m no idiot, you might not have ever said anything but there's somethings you can’t hide. You two both trained here while you were in college, did you really think  I wouldn’t notice? It's obvious you two were in love, she still comes in you know? Hasn’t been in for a month or so. I was a little worried after you left, she spent hours doing exactly what you just finished doing. The woman destroyed her fair share of my equipment.”

          Shikamaru smiled as he held back tears, it was good to know that she had kept up training. It was no surprise that she would have wrecked shop, Sakura has always had amazing strength. “I don’t know what to say to her.”

          “Just tell her how you feel, apologize you idiot. You two are such stubborn assholes I swear, just swallow that pride of yours and be honest. If you two are supposed to be together, you will work it out. And if not, at least it will offer you both some closure,” Asuma stood, “Listen I got a class to teach soon, but if you want to talk more about this call me. I am more then willing to go have some lunch with you, besides you owe me for all this good advice.”

          He smiled, “Thanks Asuma.”

          “No problem kid,” Asuma made his way out of the training room then. Most likely to drop by his office before going to his next training group.

          Shikamaru stood and set about cleaning up the mess he created, thinking about all the ways he could apologize to Sakura. Every scenario landed him with a right hook to the throat. It was going to be harder to find his way back into her heart then it was to finish his last mission. What a damn drag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't that fun???  
> Sings I listened to  
> Nicotine by Panic at the disco  
> to afraid to love you by the Black keys  
> Happier by Ed Sheeran  
> Hold on by Chord Overstreet

**Author's Note:**

> Well then you read it I asume.  
> Leave me a comment and tell me if you want more?  
> I already have part of the next chapter written.  
> It is 5 am and I haven't slept yet, otherwise I probably Wouldn't have even posten this fic.  
> Bad decisions are always made after 3am.  
> sigh  
> oh I had the songs   
> "happier" marshmello, bastille  
> "king" Lauren Aquilina  
> "Treat You Better" Shawn Mendes  
> playing over in over in my head both when my headphones were in and not in. So yeah... Expect sadness


End file.
